How does therapy work?

Many people first come to therapy when they feel overwhelmed or trapped by painful thoughts, emotions, or patterns. In those moments, it can feel like something inside us is working against us—keeping us stuck, even when we desperately want to move forward.

It’s natural to wonder: Why can’t I seem to change this part of my life, even though it hurts so much? Or, why do I always find myself stuck in this same situation, when it’s exactly where I don’t want to be?

Unfortunately, when we feel this way, our first instinct is often to get away from the pain as quickly as possible. But what we truly need isn’t escape—it’s a deeper understanding of what lies beneath the surface, drawing us back into the same painful patterns again and again.

Why do we keep repeating the same mistakes, getting stuck in the same feelings, ruminating on the same memories again and again? What is going on in our unconscious selves that we continually return to these painful scenes, or can’t break free from our broken habits? These are questions worth taking seriously.

Treating the Symptom as a Clue

The kind of therapy I practice—psychoanalytic psychotherapy—isn’t focused primarily on reducing or managing symptoms. Instead of aiming to suppress your symptoms, we’ll work together to uncover the underlying sources, logic, and meaning your symptoms hold in your life.

Therapy provides a place where you can speak, without reservations, to a unique kind of listener who is attuned to what you’re really trying to say. As you start to speak freely, you’ll find that you almost always end up saying a little more than you intended or realized. Our work will proceed by paying close attention to this something more that keeps showing up in your speech, tracing the patterns and connections that emerge there.

The possibilities for change and growth that this process opens up go far beyond simply addressing symptoms or eliminating something we don’t like about ourselves. Real relief and transformation come not from erasing parts of ourselves, but from learning to listen to ourselves differently—finally agreeing to take all of ourselves, even our symptoms, seriously.